I've read a small portion of this guy's web site and let me tell you, he wrote some really nice "smart-funny" stuff.
Check out his latest post: HERE
joi, 16 septembrie 2010
luni, 15 martie 2010
Two Cows
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment. MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything. BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.. ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them. FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf. TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned. COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Subject: Chickens!!!!
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Pat Buchanan: to steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
Colonel Sanders: "I missed one?"
L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Bill Clinton: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any
chickens.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes!, the chicken crossed the road. But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Martin Luther King Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Ronald Reagan: What chicken?
Bill Clinton (again): I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just released "Chicken Coop 98", which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Bill Clinton (also, again): Define "cross."
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Pat Buchanan: to steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
Colonel Sanders: "I missed one?"
L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Bill Clinton: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any
chickens.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes!, the chicken crossed the road. But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Martin Luther King Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Ronald Reagan: What chicken?
Bill Clinton (again): I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just released "Chicken Coop 98", which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Bill Clinton (also, again): Define "cross."
sâmbătă, 13 martie 2010
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